This is the hardest chapter I have ever written! I have to pull all my knowledge of Myths into this one chapter. Not an easy task. I'll have to take my time with this chapter. I'll probably start work on Twenty-one and Twenty-two before I complete Twenty.

I've expanded the time I have to work on my novel. I recently figured out that it would take more chapter than I had originally planned to complete the book. I think we are looking at Thirty odd chapters instead of Twenty-six.

I have commissioned an anime artist to render the cover of my book and possibly do some interior work. I'll post the art here when it is completed. The artist is very talented. She goes by Lady Shireu on deviantArt.

One day, Heather woke up and slowly realized she was facing the ceiling. She was lying naked on the wooden table while held spread eagle by four-point restraints. As she raised her head, she heard the woman standing before her chanting something unintelligible but fervent.

Suddenly, in her mind’s eye, she perceived a cyclone of energy filling the chamber in front of her. Within its wicked greenness, swirled ancient letters and symbols not meant to be comprehended. By some other form of ken, she could see the glyphs in the spinning mess were the same as those carved in the pattern on her body. The woman’s chanting increased in tone and rhythm and the fierce spinning of the eldritch tornado increased in time with it.

Her bonds released with a ripping sound and she was lifted off the wooden slab to an upright position by an unknown force. She was floating vertically above the table.

Heather watched helplessly as the spectral enchantment, ordered forth by Death’s Sorceress, crept forward and suddenly coiled itself around her naked form. Each symbol of the swirling lexical cacophony emblazoned itself on the poor girl’s thin body as it rushed by to find its place-- whether it was carved in her breast, her thigh, or her foot—- and implanted itself. Each mark touched her skin with a pain that seared her soul and froze her mind. Numb. The awful spell was devouring her from the inside. Every word of the spell seemed to delete a part of her and rewrite itself in its place.

The girl’s back arched as the pain intensified. Her dumb mouth opened wide in a noiseless scream to release the fear and horror which she was enduring. It didn’t help. The particles of the etched spell fell into place more quickly. As the elements formed their blasphemy, a fresh agony of burning swirled along the curved lines that scarred her body. The feeling raced down her arms and her torso following the gory tracery that spiraled her. It whipped down her body like pinpricks and then turned to daggers. It circled between her legs sending her into terrible spasms as in twisted its way to her feet.

And, then it was over. Each mark had buried itself in her core, her soul, and vanished from the surface in the process. Her flesh was made whole and her body remade as fresh and new as if the past months had never happened. Her strength, as little as it was, was restored. The pain was gone. The pain was gone.

James sent you a message.
-------------------

Re: Your Book

DEFINITELY version #2. I like the beginning much better, the first one is a little confusing and it leaves my head spinning after two paragraphs. In addition, I like the interpretations of the girls and their responses much better. Michele's analyses of the situation are fun to read and I like her feeding/not feeding off of their emotions. That is fun.

I'm just getting a brief blurb off now. If you need more, let me know, but I definitely like version two much better. It has a smoother lead in and more interesting character development.

Why chose a planet named Bellicose? Does that have something to do with their blue skin? Sorry, off topic, but I'm just curious... Also, I am really interested now. This is such a different tone from some of you other chapters I want to see how you link them together

I really enjoyed reading this; it has all the elements a mystic or mythic fanatic would look for right off the bat;

Alexis Pena (Goco)

Alexis Pena (Goco)wrote about the second version of my prologue:

I see the transition in the changes, and i could guess what you are thinking (reasons you made changes)
but
I have to say the first one has more potential. If you remember in the hayday of spending hours in the library or bookstore as an avid reader of mythology/mysticism, the more detail there was about worlds and powers, the more engrossing and more times you had to study and memorize, and re-read these details; I think the only polishing you have to do on the first version is making the job of the reader to memorize those details, easier ...

Post #2
.

Is this part of the same novel you've already posted? I'm just curious. I would agrees that it is definitely a darker writing style, but it's good. It has an edgier, modern-allure that will catch the ex-Harry Potterite and disappointed Eragon fan niche. I am surprised that you are not done yet. It sounds pretty polished. I am a little confused with the types of demons, but since it's a prologue I guess that's only normal.
As for the graphicness, I know where you are coming from. My novel is for a slightly younger crowd, but one of my plote structures centers around some more mature content. The second book I am working on now has some more graphically violent scenes in it, but I'm trying to stick with a "leave it implied" approach. However, I am starting to have problems with that because I need some poignant scenes to make a point.
Let me know when you publish. I would definitely be interested in reading more.

Post #30

1 reply

Then again, second thoughts. Have you seen some of the stuff they stock on middle school book shelves? My school library regularly stocked Orson-Scott Card's books and SHADE"S CHILDREN as well. I don't think it's as much of the violence and blatant sex that scares people so much as the idea of different viewpoints. With which, demons, yeah, you're probably walking a thin line.

9:44pm Apr 10th

I love it, Damon!!
It's like an adult Harry Potter...but waaayyyyy better!!
I did notice a few mistakes that you've made over and over....possessives....and verb agreement....easy common mistakes that any quick edit would catch....
Keep writing! It's great!
Chat soon,
'Nora'

Damon Ross Cottrell

9:48pm Apr 10th

Thanks Nora. I've been working no heavily editing my novel the past few das and this was what I needed to hear. Every time I go over a section I find little mistakes that I have made. I'll eventually get them all worked out.
Thank you for reading!

well....i read the prolog and first two chapters on Sunday....
then i started reading again today and i haven't been able to stop reading all day....just started chapter 10
can't wait to see where you go with this
cheers
'nora'

Damon Ross Cottrell

11:18pm Apr 10th

Thanks. I'll keep working on it. I've made changes to the Prologue so its not so information heavy and I moved chapter 7 so it is now chapter 5. I'm working on getting all the pieces together so I can continue on to the next part.

ebook | Message: Your Novel....brilliant!!

This review was on Fanstory.

Chapter 16 part two.

Excellent

i hate it when elves die...they are the best creatures in the forest...good read and smooth like butter the story flowed freely...thanks so much and looking forward...yours, diana

Comment Written 05-Apr-2008 by Artasylum

Reviews on writing by thewanderer

Obviously there are some mistakes I need to correct. Thanks to Tasha for sending me this review:

Subject: Popular Mythology
I'm only a few chapters in, but wanted to let you know what I thought so far.
I like the premise, the idea of the story (what I've read of it). The Prologue threw a bunch of information out that left me a little confused. It was a clump of info that I'm still not entirely sure what to do with just yet as a reader.
There were some parts where the writing wasn't quite as tight.
In one scene you talk about a girl being glued to Lorenzo when you haven't discussed who he was yet.
Also, there seems to be a jump in time frames. The end of three tells us she goes back home but the beginning of four brings us back to her studying with the monk. The scene with the vampires also had a time jump I was unsure of. The vampires come out at night, then we go back to Heather, then the bums. I was just confused as to why she had to dress the night before.
As for time, I'm not even sure how much time has passed in the first five chapters. It does get a bit confusing b/c I have to just guess, but you mention things that have happened and I don't know how far out the timeline stretches.
There is also one or two spots where you clump together dialogue from two different characters. While it's not impossible to split who's saying what, it does tend to make you stop and think a moment, which means your reader is no longer in the story. The one part I can remember right off is when Heather has just learned Caesar's name.
While I think the characters are strong, I'm not really 'seeing' much of the setting or characters.
Most of the other things I noticed were grammatical things that usually get cleaned up in editing.
As I said, I'm only a few chapters in and will give you feedback as I can. Please let me know if what I've said doesn't make sense or if it's not what you're looking for.

I've set up a new web page for my novel. I'm using Office Live.

I've posted the first two chapters of my novel on my website.

Popular Mythology

I recently posted chapter three of my novel to Facebook. I'm waiting to get reviews on it. It was the first  part of the novel I wrote, and I think it is some of my best work. I really like this piece.I wish the rest of the novel was this good.

Facebook | Chapter Three of Popular Mythology